urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:b1ue_9reen b1ue_9reen b1ue_9reen 2004-12-12T14:38:43Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:b1ue_9reen:1401 2004-12-12T14:38:43Z 2004-12-12T14:38:43Z jeepney maybe it's because i was drowsy or maybe because she looks so cute then or maybe i really like her deep inside and suddenly it exploded when she talked to me... i don't know!!! all i remember is she was thanking me for calling her up then the next thing... argh!! there's a story behind this... well, she volunteered to find a classmate who got lost during our field trip.. then the lost girl arrived adn still she hasn't... i got worried so i called her up... that was what she's thanking me for... there's something else... she's a lesbian herself... not that im saying i am one too... technically, not yet... and i had been interested in her since first day of school.. waaaah!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:b1ue_9reen:1241 2004-08-16T20:52:31Z 2004-08-16T20:55:47Z my god!!! loves sucks!!! why do i have to endure this kind of pain.... all i wanted was to be with him. fuck shit!!! it's all because of me... i'm the one and only person to blame!! i chose this path. i chose to love.. technically, i kinda chose to be hurt. it's my responsibility!!! i already had him but stupid me... now he'll never be mine.. never!!! yet i can't stop thinking of him... the reason why it hurts so bad is that i love him so bad!!! shit!!! my heart is drowning in tears!!! i can't let it flow.. i wear a mask for no one to see my pain... they would see my love for him plus the fact that i'm so dumb stupid for what i did in the past. god!!! this is even worse than my abdominal cramps and i thought i would die the first time i had it. aaaargggh!!! why does he have to be so damn kenneth!!!! why was the heart even invented??? every time i see him with her... i want to kill myself which would be an act of mercy because if i am sure of anything, i am sure that this is way worse than death... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:b1ue_9reen:559 2004-06-08T04:06:34Z 2004-06-08T04:09:28Z i'm a frustrated writer... actually, i can't even call myself a writer, really. all i ever wanted was to produce decent and original story or poem or anything to write. i have a million and one ideas but my very big problem seems to be is that i can't write down not a single one of them. i tried to, of course... but half way the story, i hesitate and lose it. all i manage to accomplish are pieces of shit that might give the what's-the-sense-of-even-writing-this-one-down impression. but then, i thought of something something. what if i put all my half-way throughs together into one crazy and wacko story?? it was like the grand plan... the million dollar answer to my miserable problem... the ray of light through the dark clouds... my salvation from my frustation... i would have many, many, many characters and many, many, many settings plus the most craziest and insane plot ever. suddenly i stoped... there was still a hanging question... how?? how could i make all this possible?? so after all the shit i had been blabbing about, i decided to execute it. cut. stopped. terminated. doomed. killed. canceled. done. i'm sorry to have wasted your time... i really can't predict what you think but i think i really should be frustrated because i don't have a single chance ever even in the future, or even with a miracle, to be a writer, not even someone near a writer because i suck and stink... i really should end this f*cking nonsense... right about.. NOW!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:b1ue_9reen:429 2004-06-07T13:07:07Z 2004-06-07T13:07:07Z well, my summer isn't a very memorable one... i didn't even leave my house almost all two-month round... every past summer before, we had excursions but this time... i didn't have the chance to even lay my eyes on a pool... all i did was bore myself in front of the tv and surf the net... there had been instances where in i really didn't have anything to do for i don't own the tv and pc at home... from above, i seem to hate this summer but i also don't want it to end yet... i'm not yet ready for school. i can't go back to lectures, quizzes and endless notes... to waking every morning preparing for school and reaching it still hoping for my warm and comfy sheets and squishy pillows... to sleepless nights just to get an 87 on a research paper... to nerve-racking oral defenses and reports that make my hands all clammy and sweaty, not to mention cold sweat streaking down my face making me look all pale and yellowish... you could tell from everything i've been blabbing about that i am not the studious type... but i'm not that all evil and against it... really!!